Of Course Mormonism is True!
Of course a man was resurrected from the dead.
Of course there were ancient civilizations with similar technology to Romans in the Americas.
Of course there is no evidence- how could there be? Do we know ANYTHING about any people anywhere from that time frame?
Of course priesthood powers are real.
Of course people wrote on golden plates.
Of course reformed Egyptian was a language- Egyptian clearly needed to be reformed.
Of course God would appear to a 14 year old boy.
Of course angels would appear to this boy.
Of course he wouldn’t bring it up until years later
Of course God would give an ancient record meant to be his gospel to a man with legal troubles.
Of course God would only allow him to see this record.
Of course dark skinned people are cursed.
Of course dark skinned people aren’t actually cursed now, but maybe still are a little.
Of course God would have his scriptures translated through a rock in a hat.
Of course God would demand his prophet take plural wives and marry 14 year olds.
Of course of course Jesus appeared in America after only having lived in a 40m radius an ocean away.
Of course the Gospels are history- everyone wrote history as if it were myth back then- right?
Of course second hand “eye witness” accounts of bronze age peasants is reliable evidence that justifies belief in magic.
Of course heaven is split into 3 tiers
Of course secret tokens and handshakes are necessary to enter the highest tiers
Of course we know those things
Of course you need to give us money to participate in the ordinances required
Of course God chooses his prophet based on seniority
Of course Gods plan was to have a three hour church block
Of course God will only solve poverty if people in poverty give money to a church.
Of course Satan is tricky and more powerful than God.
Of course every human methodology is flawed and obviously wrong on all evidentiary accounts
Of course the gospel looks plagiarized.
Of course God hates coffee.
Of course people who don’t believe supernatural claims made by 18 year olds are just misguided.
Of course the second coming is coming soon... for real this time
Of course God loves all of his children
Of course the best way to serve them is to ignore their starvation and build massive houses of worship.
Of course green aprons are holy, are you dumb?
Of course God needs his followers to lie for him
Of course God wants all of his ceremonies kept secret sacred
Of course a warm feeling indicates truth
Of course God would make gay people but punish them if they act on their gayness.